Feelings · Gardening

Last Words

Good morning!

How is everyone this morning? Mine has been different than usual. All week hubby has been home on spring break. It has been nice to have people home this week.

I’m really excited that this weekend is pay day weekend! Not looking forward to having to deal with people in Wal-Mart but I will be buying the stuff I need to start doing my gardening. You know all the pre-gardening stuff. I know they sell the big long soil tray to start your seedlings. So, I am thinking about doing:

  • Tomatoes
  • Lettuce
  • Green Peppers
  • Green Beans
  • Sugar Snap Peas
  • Zucchini
  • Carrots
  • Watermelon
  • Cantaloupe
  • Strawberries
  • Sunflowers (My favorite flower)
  • Pumpkin

vegetable-garden

I will take some pictures after I start up the garden and through out! I hope that you all will join me in this endeavor. I would love to hear about your plans for gardening (if you have any) and see any pictures through out.

I’m not sure if anyone knows how God talks to them. I know I’m not sure. But, it seems that when I take a shower is the way that God and I talk. I usually take a really long shower, it seems that is my place that I can just let go and talk with God there. Just let my thoughts go and just be quiet and listen. It feels like I get thoughts in my head that I would not normally get. I think of things from out of the blue and I’m like….hhmm…I don’t know if that is me and God talking to each other or not. That is how I came up with the subject I’m going to talk about today. Sitting in my shower just talking with God and the thoughts that popped in my head and bam I’m like I guess I need to talk about that today.

Let me start off with I do not have any Bible verses today. I wouldn’t know how to look up verses for the topic to being with. I guess I could try and figure it out. What an unlikely subject matter today is. Last words. That is a heavy subject matter in fact. Who wants to think about last words? I know I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about someone I love no longer being on the earth and trying to remember the last words I had with them.

I’m sure your wondering why I would even come up with this subject matter. Well, that one is rather easy to answer. A gentleman in my church just lost his wife this week, it was rather sudden. There was nothing to indicate that she would pass away soon. She just stopped breathing and they couldn’t bring her back. She was an awesome woman and the world is with one less angel.

I was thinking if someone in my “circle” was to die at anytime would I have any regrets? I would. There are things that have gone unspoken between me and a lot of people. I have many unspoken words to my biological mother. The last time I spoke to her was Tuesday the 27th of Dec 2016 when I was accused of lying again. This time when I spoke with her I was not kind. This time speaking to her rattled me to my core, so much so I wanted to go and get drunk! For those that don’t know me I have a problem with drinking. I like it too much. I like getting drunk too much. So, I now stay away from drinking. There the cat is out of the bag. I was an emotional wreck this time when I heard from my biological mother and my step-father at the same time. They said some pretty hurtful things to me. Well, more than hurtful. Way more than hurtful. Would I regret the words that I have said to my bio mom? Right now I don’t know, but when she dies and I no longer have the chance to make up those words and really let her know things am I going to regret them? Yes!

So, that brings me to another dilemma I see. How do you rekindle the “fires” with those that have hurt you and those that you want to mend that relationship with before they leave this world? Well, right now my only thought is prayer and lots of it. Can I call my bio mom right now? No! Should I? Yes! Is it too painful for me to do so? Yes! I know I can do it through Christ. That will be one thing I will work on. I will ask Christ to help me to pick up that phone and tell her I am sorry for any part of those hurtful words and that I forgive her for her part. I will have to leave it at that though. Hopefully she will accept that and we will be able to move on. I do not know if I could have a relationship with her. It is too toxic for me to have one with her. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t forgive and move on.

Do you have someone that if they were just to pass away right now that those last words with haunt you? Do you care to share?

Prayer:

Lord,

Please help me with my side of the problem with my bio mom. I know that I am just as much as the problem as she is. Please help me to forgive her. Please help me to pick up that phone to be able to say I forgive her for everything and that I don’t want any bad blood between us.

Lord, please help all of us with anyone that we have bad blood with. That if they were to be taken today that we would not have any guilt because of the last words we said to them. Please help us to resolve the problems with those that need to be solved. Please help us all to forgive and show the love you have for us to them no matter how hard it is.

We know that we can do all things through you.

Amen

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One thought on “Last Words

  1. Tammy, thank you for sharing you hurting heart with us. Forgiveness is the key!
    I am planning on patio gardening. Can’t wait for the pansies.
    Love ya, Janice

    Like

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