Chit Chat · General

Help! I need to talk now!

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Morning,

I was going to say it was a good one. But, I need to say it isn’t anymore. I am so mad at myself because of it too! I need to explain I guess. So, I woke up and when I came downstairs and turned on my computer to get ready to do my posting for this morning I went to my Facebook page because I needed to post something on one of my pages. I saw that I had a couple of notifications waiting for me. One was from a schoolmate about my school. It is time for my 25th school reunion.

25 years already! I can’t believe it has been that long already! I will tell you I have not been to a single school reunion. I hate all my classmates, I have no one there that I like. They didn’t like me much after I came in at the 4th grade. I was never part of any little clique. They liked to tease me after I was adopted, so there is no love loss there. So, I went to the page to see when it was. I was thinking yea it is 25 years why not! Then I saw who was trying to organize it and who might be going already. Out of the people who might be going I got a panic attack. Let me show you something I found about a panic attack this is how it was 100%:

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It was all over 1 person, one person that I thought I let go of. I forgiven this person on what they had done to me while I was in high school. I gave it over to God, I promise you I have. But, as soon as I saw that this certain person was going to the reunion that is how I felt.

Why is this person still effecting me? How do I get over it? I don’t know what to do! Yes, of course this person made my last 2 years of high school a living hell! They made me look over my shoulder, they made me lie to my mom a lot! I even got grounded because of this person. I feel like I’m a kid again! I am totally freaking out because of this! I want to go to the reunion but I don’t know if I could handle it. Then they will ALL see me rolling up in my wheelchair! OMG! That would be horrible! My mind is so messed up because of this.

How can 1 thing mess someone up so bad? They want to have it during Thanksgiving that would be good we could go home for the holidays. I haven’t been home in about 2 years. So, good can come out of it.

Thank you for letting me vent like this. I am still up in arms so please pray about it with me as we make a decision. Thanks!

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2 thoughts on “Help! I need to talk now!

  1. OK Miss Tammy. This is what I have been learning and I will share it with you. When someone has done you wrong, we need to forgive, by Gods grace and go on. BUT, we get reminded every once in a while and BAM it all comes back in living color. The KEY is the time you spend in that horrible place in you mind. Pray and Run back to being in the kingdom of God. The devil has a great time getting us to loose it, but don’t stay in that horrible place and loose your peace.
    Hope this helps.

    Like

    1. Janice,

      You are so right about that! I should of done that. Thank you for that. I felt so victimized all over again. I felt weak and powerless again. I have spent years trying to get myself out of that and I let it happen all because I saw a name! And saw they were going to be somewhere. I didn’t return home for sometime because I knew they lived near my family. I was so scared I would see them when I was home! I let them have so much power over me. I don’t want them to have that power anymore.

      Thank you so much Janice! Thank you for that reminder. I needed it. I want that reminder so that way my panic attack does not come back and I don’t feel like that again.

      Like

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