Today’s quiet time was about forgiveness. I know I have a hard time with that one! I have a hard time forgiving others but I think the hardest part of forgiveness is forgiving myself for my past mistakes. I find it hard to do that, I feel that if I hadn’t made mistakes when I was younger than some of the things that have happened would never of happened and things would have turned out so much differently. I actually hate myself a tad for those mistakes.
The video I watched for this Bible lesson was about a son who was confronting his father who was in jail for killing his mom. His dad was abusive and by the end of the video he had forgiven him. I think back to my own childhood before I was adopted and I don’t know if I can do that. I know I need to do that. I need to do that even with my dad now.
I know I need to do that with my biological mother, my step-dad, and other people. People that have hurt me just within the past few years. Meeting my biological side of my family maybe was not the best idea. I mean I met my biological dad and that was great! I met a sister and that was awesome! I met a brother that I was always told was dead and that was awesome and I was getting a relationship on with him, but I think I might have screwed that up, like I always screw things up. But seeing my biological mom again and allowing her back into my life and allowing my step-dad into my life was a mistake. I need to forgive them though and that is hard for me right now. But, I am regressing!
I think that if I am to start forgiving others, I need to forgive myself first of those horrible mistakes I made in my early 20s. I don’t even talk to anyone about it because the last time I did someone used it against me and horrible things happened because of it! It sucks when you need to talk with someone and have them help you through a process but you can’t trust anyone to talk about everything.
I know that God has forgiven me for those sins I made. I am afraid that if I forgive myself I will want to turn back to those “glory” days again. Which I know I don’t, I’m afraid that I would? I don’t know! Backwards thinking I guess.
So, here are a couple of the questions and verses that went with the Bible study today:
What do we learn about Christ and what He did for us?
We learn that Christ came to forgive us our sins and no matter what he will forgive them. All we must do is ask him and tell them to him. His grace is enough to forgive us of our sins.
In what way has this lesson helped you feel closer to God?
That no matter what God is there for me. It doesn’t matter what I have done he is there, he is willing to forgive me as long as I am willing to confess it to him. But, I must also be willing to turn away from that sin and not continue it.
I want to leave you with something to think about. I know that this saying stopped me in my tracks. I myself am still thinking over this, I’m just blown away by this. Please tell me what you think about this:
“When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive…Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
-Mary Karen Read