I wanted to write something totally different but God got me thinking while I was looking for a picture for my totally different topic. I know I will touch on it but lets talk about what God wanted me to talk about first.
I’m still under construction, I will always be still under construction. This week while I have been working on my daily quiet time God has shown me this. Now I have not been good this week and done my quiet time every day like I have wanted to. I have managed 2 days. Which is totally better than 0 days! I feel that is total progress for myself! Hey, it’s the little steps that matter right?
I know that I need to trust God, to lean on His understanding, to let my life be a Spirit filled life, to know that I can give myself 100% to God. As I look over my past few years of life I had that relationship with God. I miss it! I had it right before my husband retired from the Army, all the way up till we had to leave on post housing and we were almost without a home. Then it just left me! Boom! That was it! I was done with my walk with God and I have been struggling with it ever since. I want that sweet walk with Him again!
I miss the days where I could feel peace, and I know I could just go talk with God and give everything to Him. My heart was so filled with peace, joy, love, I could feel my heart radiate with it all, it was like I was that light on a hill top showing all the love of God. I want to get there again. That is why I know I’m still under construction still. I know that God wants me there again.
I am chasing that high again, like when I was using cocaine. But, this time it is a God high not a cocaine high. This time it is a good high the kind of high that I know I need in my life! I know I am afraid to give it all to God again, I know that deep down inside of me that is the reason I cannot have the relationship that I had with God. I think it is because we almost became homeless, and we were down in the bottom of the bottom. I have been homeless, and I have been down that road before and to have God not help us and us go there shattered me. Shattered my faith, trust, love for God.
I wanted to get back to where I was, I don’t want to be shattered anymore. I want to feel the way I was. I want to feel that peace, love, trust, the Spirit filled life. I know I can get there again. That is why I know that I am under construction! I know that God will be patient with me and will keep on working with me, He knows I will get back to that spot. He knows the timing!
God is so good to us! He is so patient with us! He loves us so much!